Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
