Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
