So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
