all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
