oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
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