We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
