i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You are the jesus of drinking
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
