Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
