wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
