the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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