I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
