It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
