Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
