You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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