I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
