Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
North Korea, Best Korea!
everyone is single if you try hard enough
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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