Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Still dying that you shit outside
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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