I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
