3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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