Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
