I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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