I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize