i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
