i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
