took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
