I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
we're so committed to being not committed
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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