Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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