I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
