2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
