Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
