Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
