Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
