ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
