apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
