apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
