He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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