Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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