He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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