new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
