i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm at about main and main street
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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