He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
