Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
