I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
