He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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