it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
