yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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