people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
