hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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