college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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