so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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