Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
